1. i can’t find my motivation. i have motivation to do some things but when it comes to like, going to the gym (THAT I PAID FOR), i have no interest at all. swimming will dry me out and running will hurt my legs and other things are boring alone and i am just feeling so down about this missing motivation. where could it have gone? i do not know.
this is currently made worse by the fact that i recently was reading through notes my teammates on the high school swim team had written me before our biggest meet of the year (each of the four years i was on the team) and so many of them commented on how i motivated them when they wanted to quit and they were so inspired by me blah blah blah. i highly doubt i inspire anyone these days.
2. after 5.5 years in colorado, i still cannot understand how to live in this state when my family and many of my friends are still in my home state, 1,300 miles away. there are specific reasons why i am here, but there are also specific reasons why i want to go home. i won’t - i have a timeline i guess - but i am still sad that i have to be here. especially because sometimes i just want to be able to go see my mom or my dad or my brother or my friends at HOME and sometimes people here are just flaky enough to be frustrating and the altitude and the cost of living and and and. plus, someday i want to meet a man and get married and have a family and i do not want to do that in colorado, so i just feel like i am going to be alone until i can meet someone who wants to go where i want to go. and i don’t know if that someone exists. and it’s sad.
man i am whiny but i had to get it out.
bonus third thing: i cooked bacon at lunchtime and now i smell like bacon. not sure if that is good or bad.
“For what it’s worth: it’s never too late or, in my case, too early to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit, stop whenever you want. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the courage to start all over again.”—F Scott Fitzgerald, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
The premise of minimum wage, when it was introduced, was that a single wage earner should be able to own a home and support a family. That was what it was based on; a full time job, any job, should be able to accomplish this.
The fact people scoff at this idea if presented nowadays, as though the people that ring up your groceries or hand you your burgers don’t deserve the luxury of a home and a family, is disgusting.
“Find life experiences and swallow them whole. Travel. Meet many people. Go down some dead ends and explore dark alleys. Try everything. Exhaust yourself in the glorious pursuit of life.”—Lawrence K. Fish
“Sometimes we get sad about things and we don’t like to tell other people that we are sad about them. We like to keep it a secret. Or sometimes, we are sad but we really don’t know why we are sad, so we say we aren’t sad but we really are.”—
Mark Haddon, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time
“I see people getting married to people they’ve known for, like, a year and a half. A year and a half? Is that really enough time to get to know someone to know you want to spend the REST of your life with them? I mean, I’ve had sweaters for a year and a half and I was like, “What the fuck was I doing with this sweater?”—Aziz Ansari
“Keep in mind: The good guys generally don’t present all that well. They usually seem boring at first. They are not intense, they don’t need you, they don’t insult you, they don’t stare deeply into your eyes, they don’t say provocative insane shit that confuses you. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT INSANE.”—
“The hardest period in life is one’s twenties. It’s a shame because you’re your most gorgeous, and you’re physically in peak condition. But it’s actually when you’re most insecure and full of self-doubt. When you don’t know what’s going to happen, it’s frightening.”—Helen Mirren quoted in Esquire’s “What I’ve Learned”